ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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