I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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