If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pants are for mortals
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