I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
