You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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