6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
