just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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