i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
