i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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