sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosι, bitch!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
