I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
