last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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