Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
