i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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