who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
