he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
NoShamevember. You game?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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