ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
