my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
