Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
then he tried to convert me to islam
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize