A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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