whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's never too late to be topless.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
