So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
