your parents love me but you hate me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize