I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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