there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
