We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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