I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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