Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
