my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
