She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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