a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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