why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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