4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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