Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
