I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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