you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
