I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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