Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
