The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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