So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
