I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
