i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
