we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
