I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
