It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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