I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
