I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
