I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
