so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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