If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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