I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my being single is dangerous.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
