"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
third nipple confirmed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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