i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
