My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
