I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize