You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
