You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
