Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
