the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
