She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
