So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
