i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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