I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
