My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
