I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize