Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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