Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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