i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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