yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
