The maid of honor just puked.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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