so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
