There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
