Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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