I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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