apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize