dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
