i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
