When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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