My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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