apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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