I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
