why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
