Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
