I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
