i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize