you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want nice things and good sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
