So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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