I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
