I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
