we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
