There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
