I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
