I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
