last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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