being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize