eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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