cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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