I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
