She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
