peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
