Porn is love you can see.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
